Think!

Think! Think! Think! What is the Answer? Think! Think! Think! What is the Answer?

Maybe I should first consider the question?

Too often we look for answers. It is sometimes better to start with the question.

The Grains of Sand are a-Fallin'

The hand lifts into the air, grasping the sand from yesterday. The wind blows and scatters the sand that will not be contained by the hand.

What happens to potential as the years pass. Is it a shame that one who once was a star, the life of the party, the magnetic prince of the crowd, with the sterling education, who travelled the world, with a woman in every port or at least in every class, would scatter to the wind? The sky jumping that blew his mind led to much more destructive pursuits. And where does the sand go? When does the sand run out?

Should I be sad for Alejandro? Or perhaps being scattered far from the rest, he will find fertile ground that will welcome and cherish him. Yet it is too easy to be lost, for the star to dim, the fire to extinguish. The sand runs out.

At the End...

Friday, I had to put one of my dogs down. It was all very sudden. Our 8.5 year old Rhodesian Ridgeback had some health issues. She had kidney disease and a slight case of incontinence. Because of the kidney disease she drank a lot of water. Thursday night or Friday morning, she threw up judging from the spot on the carpet. The water was all gone, so I filled it up while I fed the dogs. She proceeded to drink about 3/4 of the bowl in about 15 secs and then regurgitated all the water. Apparently, this may have caused the GDV (bloat). We had no suspicion that anything was serious wrong until around noon time. We thought she was just sick or had an upset stomach. A little after noon, she was lying down and would come or react to my wife's calls. Upon closer inspection, she was nonresponsive. She was breathing and alive but would not open her eyes or move.

My wife called me at work and discussed what to do. Luckily she saw a couple of male neighbors across the street whom she was able to ask for help. They lifted our dog, Gabby, and carried her to the minivan and to the Vet. X-rays confirmed it was GDV and very serious. By the time I arrive at the Vet, Gabby was already in shock. The vet said she couldn't recommend surgery because the chances for success were too low. We decided to go ahead with the euthanasia. I wanted to be there with Gabby and stayed through the whole process. It was very emotional and I was choked up and crying. I stroked Gabby's brow and looked into eyes. I saw some recognition. They took her off the ventilator and then I put my nose up to her nose, kept petting her and looked her in the eyes as she passed. I think she knew that I was there, and if so, she trusted me to do the right thing, even in the end.

I brought Gabby home in a body bag, and buried her. I felt like I was in a haze. It all seemed blurry. The kids took it remarkably well. I guess they are still too young to really comprehend or maybe the understand better than we do...The kids were touching though, turning Gabby's grave into a memorial. They brought flowers, pine cones, special rocks...all for Gabby's enjoyment.

Even with 3 kids, and another dog, the house seems quieter. Strange considering Gabby was the quieter and smaller dog. I think our other dog is definitely more sedate, perhaps realizing that Gabby is missing and not understanding where she is. Or maybe he does? He was the one was was whining when Gabby first got sick, as if he knew something more serious was going on. Children, animals, possibly understanding or glimpsing things that we adult humans are too separated from?

I am grateful to be there at the end with Gabby. I pray she rests in peace.

Sienna's Talk of the Town - "Gabby" - 15 OCT 1997- 3 MAR 2006.

Efficiency

It is easy to say Life is so complicated these days. Between children, pets, work, career, chores, it is a wonder we even have time to update a blog. I thought I was busy before, but my life, with another kid, seems to have gotten exponentially busier.

Now, I've realized, you really cannot even hesitate to think about what should be done next or when you should do it. You just have to do it - something - right now. No Thinking. Just Doing. Act now. Don't think. Don't delay.

While I can romanticize that I will crack at some point, it is instructive to reflect that in a few blinks of the eye, I will wonder where all the time went, what happened to my kids and why I didn't play that little extra with them when I had the chance. I will remember fondly my sweet dogs and forget the messes they make.

It is like eating ice cream on a hot July day. It never lasts as long as you'ld like.

All Hallows' Even

Early Sunday, I woke up around 1:30am and couldn't get back to sleep. One of the things I thought about, was the people in my life who really touched me. Without consciously being aware, this was excellent preparation for Halloween - All Hallows' Even - traditionally, in the Church calendar, when vigils and preparations for remembering the Hallows would begin (Even being a contraction of Evening) for the day of honor and rememberance All Hallows' Day (All Saints Day).

Of my list of people who were my Saints and are no longer with us:

Ted Cronin - maybe on the surface an old, overweight, Boston Irish cop. A widower, who took care of his invalid sister. I remember in primary school he would be at the busy intersection of our school to make sure the kids crossed safely. When I got older, I did yard work for him and he always paid me twice what I asked for. In a quiet way, he was always helping people, he just always tried to do good. I observed a lot as a youth, but I wished I had taken the time to ask him his story.

Bob Davidson - grew up a tough townie. Found God and helped troubled teens. He was a very quiet man, a big bear of a man. He would drive way too slow in the slow lane in the mad Boston rush hour traffic. I chopped wood for him, raked leaves (actually used a commercial cart blower, which was quite rare in those days). He was so non-judgemental. If he caught you doing something you weren't supposed to, he didn't get mad at you, you didn't get in trouble, but you knew that he was there to help you - that he really loved you and wanted to help you. He and his wife were kind to my family and will always be remembered. They both died too young.

Beginnings of a Blog

This is the beginning. Soon there will be content.